By Emmanuel Sarpong Owusu-Ansah (Black Power)
Pursuing love relationship with the same focus as educational and career goals: Women who feel marriage and having children are important to them should pursue and develop healthy and meaningful love relationships with the same focus and attention they pursue their educational and career goals while they are in their prime as looks or beauty and fertility commonly decrease with age. This is surely not to encourage hasty or premature marriage, to discourage female education, or to suggest that older women cannot get suitable partners. As a matter of fact, patience has always been one of the key factors or virtues necessary for a successful marriage. After all they that sing last sing best, as the saying goes; the only worry is if those who decide to sing last unluckily do not get the chance to sing at all before the “singing contest programme” runs out of time and consequently ends.
Drawing a line between religious affiliation, ethnic belonging, and “Marital Love”: It is indeed helpful and beautiful when a couple attends the same church or shares the same faith; and may also probably be a bit more convenient to be married to a man belonging to one’s own tribe, etc. However, one should always strike some distinction between religious affiliation, ethnic belonging, or political allegiance, and what is preferred to be called MARITAL LOVE (love existing between husband and wife or prospective partners) which transcends tribal/ethnic, religious, and political party boarders. It is in fact possible to kill two or even three birds with one stone, but unfortunately, the probability of accomplishing a mission of this magnitude may be superlatively low. For this reason, a woman who really feels the urgent need to start a decent family should first search for L, O, V, E – Love and a man with good character, and if the lover happens to be a member of her religious denomination, tribe, political party, etc., let her shout SUPER BINGO!!!, if not THANK YOU GOD!!! It is about time young single women also realized that forcing men to become members of their religious denominations before their marriage proposals are welcomed, is a breach of one fundamental human right – freedom of religion.
There is no such entity as a perfect man: Some people may disagree with or take offence in this statement; but it has to be made: There is no such thing or entity as a PERFECT or even CLOSE-TO-PERFECT MAN just as there isn’t any such thing as a PERFECT or CLOSE-TO-PERFECT WOMAN. Because humans, even twins, have divergent characters or traits and ways of behaving, there are and will always be squabbles in relationships. Some of the rows result when some of the partners’ conflicting traits collide; others are attributable to silly mistakes made by one of the parties. What every woman should understand is that the “perfect man” is the man whose unfamiliar traits she is able to identify and familiarize herself with, and whose weaknesses she helps him overcome. It is never advisable to make unnecessary comparisons between an ex and current partner especially in the latter’s presence: E.g. my ex-boyfriend took me out every Friday evening; you are not doing that; therefore, …. Women should try as much as possible to appreciate and treat those people in their lives as best they can regardless of what others may or may not have done for them.
Choosing between love or marriage and wealth or legal status: One finds it quite difficult to comprehend why a woman would knowingly ignore a man who is genuinely in love with her but is not very financially sound or does not have strong legal status for a so-called wealthy dude and/or a man with legal documents who is less committed. The rule is very simple; either you go for love, for wealth, or for legal status; if you get all three, that’s your luck. It is better however to stick to a committed and purposeful DABI DABI EBEYEYE man than a less committed and aimless ABEN WO HA guy (no disrespect to Lumba who is in fact my No 1 African musician followed by Amakye Dede). Again, the traditional African notion that it is the responsibility of only the man to handle all marriage and household expenses, even when it is clear that the woman’s job or income is much better than the man, should be completely discarded.
Humility: Note, that there is a diametric difference between humility and servitude. Being humble thus means showing respect and a considerable level of reasonable obedience to a partner, and not allowing oneself to be turned into a slave or sex machine. Women should know that being argumentative/outspoken, arrogant, or disrespectful does not get them the love they desire from men. Again, it is very essential for every young woman to humble herself irrespective of her academic accolades, her extraordinary beauty, rich family background, etc. For instance, if male PhD graduates can marry SHS graduates, then what prevents educated women from relaxing the search criteria and going for men whose academic qualifications are below theirs?
Being cautious in one’s effort to amend past mistakes: Certain past mistakes and the desperation to get things right, can easily compel a woman to make ill-informed decisions and make even more terrible errors. That which can serve as a stumbling block to achieving one’s dreams is death and not age; hence women should be positive minded and maintain the spirit of self-esteem or self-confidence no matter how old they think they are. Know that there will always be deceptive, selfish and lustful men out there whose sole objective is to sexually exploit single women desperately looking for husbands by offering false marriage promises or propositions. Beware! Again women should avoid the temptation to act too seriously after just a couple of dates, as that can scare some men off. Give a man some breathing space even if you love him to bits.
The message for/to any young lady who is happy with “singleness” and prefers to remain single is: Thumbs up! You are and will never be alone; but make sure your doings are in consonance with religious and moral principles. After all marriage is certainly not the most important thing in life.
It should be concluded that in the drama of LOVE, none of the characters, Professor Education, Pastor Religion, Dr Tribe, Honorable Political Party, Mr Age, Officer Legal Status, or Sir Wealth is a protagonist, and none has priority over the others. It is Mrs Love herself who plays the leading role – the heroine.
For the sake of fairness or even-handedness, future research projects by research-loving people may focus on unattached African men in the UK or any western country.
GOD BLESS AFRICA!
This article was first published on www.GhanaWeb.com by Emmanuel Sarpong Owusu-Ansah (aka Black Power). He is a lecturer and an investigative journalist in London, UK. He is the author of ‘Fourth Phase of Enslavement: unveiling the plight of African immigrants in the West’