*“Pastor, my dog is dead. Could there be a service for the poor creature?” Pastor replied, “No, we cannot have service for an animal in the church. But there is a new church down the road, maybe they will do it.” The man said, “Do you think they will accept a donation of U.S $250,000 for the burial service?” Pastor exclaimed, “Sweet Jesus! Why didn’t u tell me the dog was a Christian?”
*A famous prostitute died. People were confused as to what should be written on her grave. Finally, on the advice of a wise man, they wrote: “AT LAST SHE SLEPT ALONE!!!”
*A guy takes a girl on a date. She orders costly champagne, oysters, lobsters, the most expensive food on the menu. The guy asks: “Do you eat like this at your mom’s place?” The girl replies, “No, my mother doesn’t plan to sleep with me after the meal.’
*An American, an English man, and a Nigerian were on a ship. Suddenly the Devil appeared and said, “Drop anything in the sea, if I find it I will eat u, If I can’t, I will be your slave!” The American dropped a pin, the Devil found it and ate him. The English man dropped a coin, the Devil found it and ate him too. The Nigerian opened a bottle of water, poured it in the sea and said, “Na today be today, go find am!”.
*A Nigerian man fainted outside Mr. Biggs (an eatery). Soon a crowd gathered around him and someone suggested, “Give him some water, it will help.” Hearing this, the man opened one eye and said, “Commot from here, if na water I wan drink, I for go faint for water board…” (Translation: “Get lost! If I needed water, I would faint in front of a water facility)
*A man sits on the balcony having drinks with his wife, and he says, “I love you!” She asks, “Is that you or the beer talking?” He replies, “It’s me… talking to the beer.”
*A husband comes home from Church, greets his wife, lifts her up and carries her around the house. The wife is so surprised and excited! She asked with smiles, “Did the Pastor preach on being romantic?” Out of breath the husband replies, “No, he said we must carry our burdens…”
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