Nigeria, O Nigeria! – By Ogunjimi James Taiwo

Nigeria Before going to bed, i had to eat something. I opened the fridge and yes, all the things in my fridge had turned to block; the light had been on for 8 years without going off. I finished eating and went to bed. Oh I have to reduce the speed of this fan, the voltage is so high.

I woke up very early in the morning to the sound of classical music. I casually strolled into the bathroom. Oh! the cold is too much this morning, i turned on the hot-water tap. While towelling myself dry, i turned on the radio and heard the presenter speaking of how Nigeria is now one of the most developed countries in the world and how the Nigerian president yesterday declared his asset and all he had to boast of was N20 million naira and a duplex in his village.

I finished dressing up and took my time to eat. I had no reason to rush, afterall the road is always free and there are no potholes.

On the way, i saw a few policemen patrolling and I greeted them. I stopped to chat with them for a few minutes after which i drove off laughing.

In my workplace, i saw some people loitering in the waiting room and discovered they were here to be interviewed. I saw the son of the permanent secretary. I also saw a young man with tattered shoes and patched-up trouser; he graduated recently from one of the government universities, but everyone could testify to the fact that he’s brilliant.

While going home that day, i saw the man with the tattered shoes smiling and i asked him why. “Sir, i’ve been given the job.” “What! What of the Permanent secretary’s son, didn’t his father call beforehand?” “No” the man said, “He didn’t”

That evening, i went out to play in the neighborhood, i saw Adamu and Obinna discussing the recent trend in the country, of how Mallam Danjuma is now the governor of Rivers state, Senator Abifarin Oluwafemi is now the governor in Borno state, Mr Chijioke Godffrey is now the governor of Oyo state.

I decided that since i had a lot of time on my hands, i should make a quick stop in the hospital to make a few checkups. I went to the Cancer treatment Hospital, after making sure i was cancer-free, i visited the HIV/AIDS Checkup Centre and I was well attended to with world-class equipments, i even saw the mother of the vice-president there.

From there, i saw Hope of Salvation Church and Egbe Alasalatu Islamic house holding a joint prayer for continuous peace in the community. I saw the pastor and Imam consulting on the prayer points. I stayed for a few minutes and then left.

The next morning, i tried to make some calls, but i couldn’t find my phone. I took my wife’s phone and saw tons of messages sent from my phone asking me to call back, that my phone was found on the road. I hurriedly called my phone back and got a man on the line. He told me he had been calling my wife’s number since yesterday night but that she wasn’t picking her calls. I apologized and told him that she put her phone in silent to avoid disturbances while sleeping. I went to reclaim my phone, i thanked the man and offered him a few naira, but he rejected it saying, i shouldn’t worry.

Since it was election time, i went to the polling booth nearest to me to carry out my constitutional duties. I saw only people of voting age there, everywhere was peaceful and the security agents there were merely putting up appearances as they were just chatting with the voters. I voted for the candidate of my choice and left. The next morning, i heard that the election results were out and that the runners-up and winner were having lunch together. I turned on my T.V set and saw for myself, in fact, they weren’t just eating, a healthy conversation was going on. The winner of the presidential election asked the runners-up to advice him as to how to effectively run the country and they all sat together to discuss on how to sustain the massive success the country has been witnessing.

The next day, the foreign media said that the American president has laid some rules down for Nigeria to follow, failure to do that will amount to severing of diplomatic ties. The Nigerian president replied 30 minutes after, he told the American president to go to hell and that he won’t allow his country to be ruled by foreign and anti-masses policies.

I remembered that i hadn’t completed my weekly hours of work mandatory for all Nigerians, i got there and saw the president dusting his trouser, he had just finished cutting the grass where he was assigned to work. I greeted him and he told me that he’s expecting month end, that his monthly allowance had nearly finished, since he was also collecting the minimum wage being paid to the workers.

“Huum…” I woke up with a jolt slapping my ears, these mosquitoes again. So I have been dreaming. I was sweating profusely, there’s no light. I stood up to take my bath, no water. I turned on my transistor radio, i heard them saying Boko haram has started again, and that robbers have killed 13 people. Oh God!

  1. Christopher Ayeni Reply

    This is s wonderful,nice one friends,when are we going to have Naija of such?

  2. Bunmi Owolagba Reply

    wow i thought it was real when reading, i was happy and smiling. Oh God when will this new Nigeria come.

  3. Tomi Reply

    May God help our nation-Nigeria

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