Unfinished Symphony (Volume 5) – By Rudolf Ogoo Okonkwo

Rudolf Ogoo Okonkwo

Rudolf Ogoo Okonkwo

If we’re to put Nigeria’s story in music form, it would be a symphony – an unfinished symphony. The movements and the sonata are so vast. Below is a little quiz that will tell you how much of this composition you know.

Question 1: For the first time in the history of Ondo state, a governor has been reelected for a second term. Which of these Bola Tinubu allied Political Action Committees (PAC) lost in the election that has Gov. Mimiko as the winner?
(a) Asiwaju Corporation of Nigeria (ACN).
(b) National Association of Godfathers of Governors.
(c) International Association of Marijuana Marketers.
(d) Association of Party Leaders who betray their presidential candidates for $100 million dollars.
(e) AMORC & Ogboni Emeritus Inc
(f) None of the above
(g) All of the above.

Question 2: What was Boko Haram commander doing at a top politician’s home in Maiduguri when he was arrested?
(a) He was looking at unclad pictures of Cossy Orjiakor.
(b) He was reading the book, 50 Shades of Gray.
(c) He was watching Dr. Damages Show.
(d) He was frozen in horror after listening to Tonto Dikeh’s song on itune.
(e) He was watching the video of Patience Jonathan’s return from Germany, waiting for the president to kiss Patience.
(f) He was mimicking the dance step of Adeola in Keeping it Real.
(g) He was watching the latest Nollywood hit, Osuofia Steals a Widow’s Mite.

Question 3: London’s Daily Mail accused Bishop David Oyedepo’s Winners Chapel Church of exploiting its British worshippers. What triggered the newspaper’s suspicion?
(a) One hour joy ride on David Oyedepo’s private jet cost church members $500 instead of the standard $150 paid by Oyedepo’s angels.
(b) Cardinal Anthony Okogie told the newspaper that Oyedepo claims he can dig up an iroko tree with a broom.
(c) An undercover Mail-on-Sunday reporter saw Oyedepo’s son, David Oyedepo Jr., stuffing money from offerings into the underwear of a ‘stripper for Jesus.’
(d) A church member used Queen Elizabeth’s credit card to pay his tithe.
(e) The newspaper became suspicious when David Oyedepo defined pastorpreneurs as “Church founders exploiting the passion and emotion that Christianity commands to feather their nests.”
(f) Church members renting Oyedepo’s Rolls-Royce Phantom at $250/hr are required to wash it before returning it to the church- something no other rental company in the world requires.
(g) An FBI artistic impression of the man who slapped a 10-year old ‘witch for Jesus’ girl at a night vigil is a carbon copy of David Oyedepo.

Question 4: To celebrate Sallah, Kano State government will spend N1.7 billion naira for ram bonuses for its civil servants. What better use could they have put the money to?
(a) To arrange mass marriages for 100,000 widows.
(b) To buy Mercedes Benz 200 MLC for the girlfriends of all the Emirs in the state.
(c) To convert Gen. Sani Abacha’s home into a Museum for Sustainable Democracy and Advance Governance.
(d) To rebuild churches in Kano bombed by Boko Haram Islamic group.
(e) To provide an alternative career to the prostitutes of Gida.
(f) To finish a nuclear power station planned for the North-eastern part of Kano.
(g) To commission paintings of groundnut pyramids at parks and other public spaces for school children to see what it looks like.

Question 5: Why was Mrs. Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala named Forbes magazine’s top 100 most powerful women in the world?
(a) Because she wrote a Biography of Chinua Achebe in which she predicted that Achebe would write a personal history of Biafra.
(b) Because the video of her dancing on youtube went viral after Olusegun Obasanjo watched it 2 million times.
(c) Because Mrs. Patience Jonathan could not be reached for consideration- she was on an extended 60-day vacation in Germany.
(d) Because she published the name of the crook who got paid N60 billion fee for negotiating with the Paris Club to pay off Nigeria’s debt.
(e) Because a nurse who works under her husband in the hospital (and is indebted to her) knew the editor of Time magazine whose job it was to add up the points each candidate got.
(f) Because she cooked snails soaked in asparagus for starving Biafran soldiers.
(g) Because she published the names of the people in President Jonathan’s government who squandered $35 billion dollars of Nigeria’s foreign reserve from May 2007 to December 2011.

Question 6: Former UN Secretary-General, Kofi Annan, reveals in his memoir, Intervention, that before he died M.K.O. Abiola told him that he was ready to renounce his June 12 mandate. What other things were revealed in the memoir?
(a) That President Bill Clinton called Gen. Sani Abacha, Sir.
(b) That the money Gen. Abdulsalami Abubakar cleaned out of Nigeria’s treasury on his way out is now reappearing – used to buy up Nigeria’s power stations.
(c) That Gowon confessed to him that he gave Bakassi Peninsula to Cameroun in lieu of a dowry for his fifth wife.
(d) That the last cup of tea MKO Abiola sipped in the presence of the U.S. Under- Secretary of state was delivered by Osama bin Laden’s driver.
(e) That Gen. Ibrahim Babangida buried live cow in Aso Rock which allows Gloria Okon to be invisible while she moves around the corridors of power in Abuja.
(f) The book revealed the exact amount of contract dollars and cents that Kofi Annan illegally directed to his son as the Secretary-General of the United Nations.
(g) All of the above.

Question 7: Why did Gov. Rochas Okorocha of Imo state punch an aide of Gov. Peter Obi of Anambra state?
(a) His girlfriends insisted on flying from Abuja to London first and then London to Lagos just to avoid flying local airlines from Abuja to Lagos.
(b) It was a continuation of the war over who owns Anambra oil wells.
(c) APGA is searching for who will represent it at the 2015 World Boxing Championship.
(d) He got mad because Alex Ekwueme said, “Nigeria is not worth dying for.”
(e) Early voting for Igbo president in 2015 has started.
(f) A woman in his state gave birth to a goat instead of a horse that he had promised.
(g) Gov. Obi’s aide called him an illuminati member.

Question 8: “The Forgotten Documents Of Odia Ofeimun’s Marriages,” has been described as the best column published online this year. Who wrote it?
(a) Sonala Olumhense.
(b) Pius Adesanmi.
(c) Hanatu Musawa.
(d) Okey Ndibe.
(e) Is’haq Modibbo Kawu
(f) Reuben Abati
(g) Simon Kolawole

Question 9: Which of these news stories about 2012 made you sleep well at night?
(a) My step mother attacked me spiritually to make me a robber.
(b) Nigeria almost an anarchy – Alafin of Oyo.
(c) Grandson killed grandparents.
(d) Bible Better than wedding rings as marriage symbol- RCCG
(e) N3.3 trillion naira stolen from LG Pension funds since 1976.
(f) Nigeria is at war – Soyinka.
(g) Nigeria: Still wearing diapers at 52.

Question 10: The Central Bank Governor, Lamido Sanusi said he would not run for President. What else could he be after his term at the CBN?
(a) Nollywood actor who plays Osama bin Laden in movies.
(b) Boko Haram’s substitute accountant.
(c) Vice Chancellor of the African International University in Khartoum, Sudan.
(d) Chief defense attorney in charge of Sharia matters for the underwear bomber, Abdulmutallab.
(e) Personal Assistant to Guru Maharaji
(f) Director-General of Sanusi Tsunami Consultants
(g) Executive Secretary, People for the Ethical Treatment of Wahhabists (PETW)

Bonus Question 11: Which of these old politicians in Nigeria is still alive?
(a) Baba Gana Kingibe
(b) Olu Onaguruwa
(c) Omo Omoruyi
(d) Jim Nwobodo
(e) Alex Akinyele
(f) Jerry Gana
(g) Arthur Nzeribe
(h) None of the above
(i) All of the above.

Answers:
1.) g
2.) c
3.) b
4.) f
5.) b
6.) g
7.) g
8.) c
9.) d
10.) g
11.) i

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