I have fallen in love with my boss.
He is also married and has three children. At the beginning of our affair he told me he was unhappily married and that he was in love with me.
We tried hard to keep everything a secret, but I think some of our colleagues might have suspected that something was going on.
This resulted in a few people not talking to me and treating me badly.
When this happened he started cooling off and eventually told me that we could no longer see each other.
He said he loved his wife and children and would never leave them. I can’t believe that this is happening to me because he promised me the world.
In the meantime I had started to tell my husband that I was unhappy in our marriage and that perhaps we should think about separating.
He and his family are so upset and his family are furious with me.
I did not mention that I had met someone else. So here I am in an absolute mess and my boss-boyfriend is just fine.
His family are unaware of our affair and the people at work treat him as if he is the greatest person on earth.
Why must I be treated like this and he gets off scot-free?
I want to write an anonymous letter to his manager and I want to phone his wife.
I want everyone to know that he is a liar and a cheat. I am so angry with him, my so-called friends at work and my husband and his family.
Life is so unfair and I don’t deserve to be treated like this. Why? Why is this happening to me? – Miffed, Pretoria – South Africa
ADVICE FROM DEAR DUDU
This is happening to you because you also lied and cheated. It is as simple as that.
Nobody forced you to have an affair. As bad as your boss’ behaviour was, so was yours.
The first thing you need to look at is your marriage. Is there any chance that you want to save your marriage?
Do you still love your husband? And if you decide to stay with him, will you tell him that you had an affair with your boss?
Trying to cover up secrets is difficult and in most cases the truth comes out eventually.
You cannot blame your husband or his family for being angry and disappointed with you.
You might feel devastated because of what has happened to you, but believe me he is probably feeling worse. You have only been married for two years and you are now asking for a separation.
I am sure it was the last thing he expected. Don’t you think life has been unfair to him too? Ask yourself what he did to be treated like this by you.
Sort out your marriage one way or the other. If you decide to stay with your husband, commit yourself to your marriage and honour the vows you took.
As far as your job goes, look for another job. Things will only get worse for you if everyone is talking about you. It will also be awkward to continue working for your boss under the circumstances.
Please don’t think you will get any satisfaction from his downfall if you expose him. His wife is innocent in this mess and so are his children. They don’t deserve to be punished. Don’t cause any more trouble than has been created already.
It might seem unfair to you, but believe me he will eventually pay a price for his behaviour, one way or another.
You didn’t mention your age but you really need to grow up and start behaving like an adult. Hopefully you have learnt valuable lessons from this experience and will be more careful with the decisions you make in future.