Last night I had a dream.
President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan easily won re-election for second term.
I saw newspapers with screaming banner headlines: “160 million dumb Nigerians return GEJ to Power,” Four More Years of Government in Motion,” “People Deceiving People Back to Power,” Four More Years of Looting,” “GEJ Is Crowned For Four More Years!”
A friend of mine who has been tipped as the senior adviser for media, publicity and propaganda gave me advance copy of the president’s inaugural speech.
The speech, like an old car that won’t stop even when the key has been turned off veers into different directions.
Because of my close connection with Aso Rock, I was lucky to get the abbreviated version of the president’s speech. The speech is the perfect capper of his administration.
One of the world’s best presidential speech historians who served as my consultant-evaluator on the speech said the speech could be termed the analysis of paralysis.
My Fellow Nigerians:
Each time we gather to inaugurate a Nigerian President; we bear witness to the enduring weakness of our constitution. We affirm the failure of our democracy.
We recall that what separates this nation is the difference in tribe, tongue, religion, and the origins of our names. We’re not a country but a mere geographical expression.
What makes us exceptional, what makes Nigeria is our allegiance to an idea articulated in a declaration made more than half a century ago.
We hold these truths to be self evident that all Nigerians are not equal. That they are not endowed by their creator with inalienable rights, among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Today, we continue a never unending journey to bridge the meaning of those words with the realities of our time. For history tells us that these truths have always been adhered to in our national life.
Freedom is a gift from God. However, it must be denied for majority of Nigerians the historically under privileged class. This was amply demonstrated during my first term.
The patriots of our independence in 1960 fought to replace the tyranny of a colonial master with the privileged of a few – the ruling class.
The PDP gave us a government of, by, and for People Deceiving People. We believe Nigeria’s prosperity must rest upon the broad shoulders of elite few members of the PDP and those in the ruling class.
We know that Nigeria thrives when few people can find independence and pride in their work, when the wages of honest labor will push poor families to the brink of extinction.
We are true to PDP’s creed that a little boy born into the bleakest poverty knows that he doesn’t have the same chance to succeed as the few children of PDP members, the robber barons, and the oil magnates.
We understand that outworn programs that we pursued in the past four years are adequate to the needs of our time. We have resolved to maintain recycled failed policies of the past. It’s going to be business as usual.
So we must harness old ideas, blind ideas, and primitive technology to remake our country, reinstate the tired and trite policies and programs to reforming our schools, healthcare sector, and infrastructures.
We will vigorously pursue the same policies and programs that disempowered our citizens with the skills they need to work hard or learn more, reach higher.
I will continue to surround myself with sinful influences and corrupting pressures. I promise you that the judiciary will guarantee equality under the law in form of denials and delays with sickening regularity.
We are a nation that does not reward the effort and determination of every single Nigerian. PDP’s ideology stoutly and proudly supports such. And we intend to remain so.
That’s the objectives of my government. That’s what will give real meaning to our creed. We’re on the right course. Join hands with me in this revolutionary enterprise.
We the people – the PDP – People Deceiving People – will make sure that every citizen does not deserve a basic measure of security and dignity. This is what you elected me to do.
We must make hard choices: increase price of fuel, food, rent, pay law makers jumbo salaries and unexplainable allowances for the risks of their job, triple the number of ministers and advisers to ensure smooth, efficient, and effective government.
But we reject the belief that Nigeria must choose between corruption and caring for the generation that built this country and investing in the generation that will build its future.
Corruption must be assured and protected by any means necessary in all areas of our lives. Leadership is by example. In this regard, I intend to lead the way!
We remember the lessons of our past four years with delicious satisfaction: corruption is king, poverty the cornerstone of my administration, children turned prostitutes, and parents lived from hand to mouth. Ours is government in motion going nowhere.
We believe that in this country freedom is reserved for the lucky and happiness for the few. We recognize we don’t have to be responsible to govern responsibly. We’re here to add to your yoke!
We recognize that many of you face job loss, sudden illness, homelessness, hunger, and a terrible life. Nothing will change for the better. And for the most part of my second term, the economy will go into terminal stall.
We will continue to gull you with commodities of lies, hypocrisy, make belief, staged managed events and other propaganda juicy products.
These things strengthen us. They do not sap us. It makes us a nation of thieves and takers. They are what make this country unique and great. A country like no other under the sun!
This is the commitments we made to each other during my campaign. No new movement in this area in my second term. It’s the continuity of the objective of my first term: an exercise in mendacity.
We the people – the PDP – People Deceiving People still believe that our primary obligation is to our party and not to Nigeria and Nigerians. We do not owe you anything.
We will not tolerate any opposition or criticisms to corruption, unemployment, lack of infrastructure, and obvious flaws and failures of my administration. There will be no organized peaceful protests on actions of my administration on these and other national issues.
The Nigeria Police College in Ikeja serves as a prototype of our police colleges. It’s a model we’re proud of. How was Channels TV able to penetrate and record the mess without detection?
When was the recording done? This is a calculated attempt to damage the image of the government, as the college is not the only training institution in the country.
My administration will use all investigative resources at its disposal to get to the root of the media blitz on the police college. Those who planted the embarrassment in the name of Freedom of Information Act will face the wrath of my presidency.
We the people – the PDP – still believe that enduring security and lasting peace require indecision, double standard, uneven play field, injustice, nepotism, bribery, looting of the treasury, and unrestrained unjustified government spending.
We the people – the PDP – believe our party is still the best party that will divide Nigeria into three nations: Igbo, Hausa, Yoruba, rich over poor, separate and unequal.
Our citizens seared by the memory of these past four years know too well the price for ignorance, foolishness, and gullibility. Their ignorance will keep the PDP in perpetual power. We’re lucky to have you as our constituency.
PDP first, Nigeria second. We will uphold no moral values and rule of law. We will not show courage to try and resolve our differences with one another. What separates us is more than what binds us.
Not because we are naïve about the dangers we face, but because that is who we are – the PDP – People Deceiving People. We don’t give a damn!
We the people – the PDP – will not champion or advance your expectations: accountability, opportunities, human dignity, rule of law, fairness, justice, safety and security, openness, and unity. Fasten your seat belts for the bumpy road ahead!
We the people – the PDP – declare today that the most evident of truth is that all of us are not created equal. This is the star that guides us still, just as it guided previous PDP administrations.
Our journey is not complete until the Boko Haramists have taken over the country. Our journey is not complete until our wives, our mothers, and our daughters cannot earn a living equal to their efforts.
Our journey is not complete until every one of us is treated unequal under the law; after all, all animals are not equal.
Our journey is not complete until our streets are flooded with the army of the unemployed and are remain jobless for life. Until our streets and roads are made slaughter fields by armed robbers our journey is not complete.
Our journey is not complete until all our children from the streets of Kano to the suburbs of Abuja, from the corners of Bayelsa to the hills of Efon Alaye know that they have no future and no hope – a lost generation.
Our journey is not complete until we wipe out liberty, freedom and pursuit of happiness from our constitution. Nigeria is a nation of suffering and smiling people. Great nation, happy people!
Our journey is not complete until we make Nigeria a failed state. We are doing our best to hasten its demise. Please be patient with me we’re almost there!
Progress does not compel us to improve and increase the standard of living of our people, to provide the basic necessities of life, and to secure life and property of our citizens. Abject poverty for the majority of Nigerians is the watch word of my administration.
For now, decisions are upon us to act on these noble ventures I outlined above. We cannot mistake governance for service. We’re not to serve, but to be served.
My fellow Nigerians, the oath I have sworn before you today like the one recited by other PDP Presidents who served in Aso Rock was an oath to party not to God or country. And we must faithfully execute that pledge during the duration of our service.
The oath I take today is continuity from the past four years. It’s a new road map on how best to make corruption, stealing, and fraud more attractive, more scientific, and more sophisticated as our guiding principle in all arms of government.
Let each of us now embrace with solemn duty, and awesome joy, the hopes and aspirations of my second term built around corruption, poverty, misery, insecurity, fear, hate, and lawlessness.
With common effort and common purpose, with passion and dedication, let us answer the call of history and march into an uncertain future toward our ultimate destination – a failed state!
Thank you and God bless Nigeria!